Social Distancing For Us, For Bigfoot, And For Jesus…….

As we all deal, in some form or fashion, with COVID-19, there is one thing for certain.  History is watching the response.  These moments of “social distancing,” toilet paper stockpiling, remote working, church service cancellations circa Easter, etc. will all be encapsulated in the future textbooks (or electronic facsimiles thereof).  In short, we are living through a time period of  historical significance; whether of not we realize it, history is being written through our actions.

As for me and my family, we are just about 2 weeks into life removed from South Florida and transplanted into the mountains of rural western North Carolina, where we have hunkered down in our cabin; surrounded by the Nantahala National Forest.  The county that we are staying in has had zero local cases reported of the virus (with the exception of one guy from NY who fled to the area with the virus, tested positive, was placed in quarantine, and….apparently social distanced to the extent that he didn’t infect any of the proximal mountain folk).

We’re trying to be extra careful, because one of our kids has Crohn’s Disease and is immunosuppressed.  She has stayed put in another part of NC, with the family of her fiancé.  As much as we’d like to have her with us, we asked her to stay put until we were well beyond the two-week mark and not showing signs of potential infection.  In a way, it’s great marriage prep to be on "house arrest” with your fiancé and your future in-laws.  It probably should be required as a mandatory prerequisite for anybody contemplating marriage.  Then again, if COVID-19 hit in 1988, and the shoes were on the other foot, I’d probably be the single guy rather than the guy married 31+ years with 8 kids.

So, for now, we watch nature’s pornography from our front porch; as the male turkey pokes out his chest, extends his tailfeathers, and chases females around like Bill Cosby at a barstool.  The interesting thing about mating season for turkeys is this:  the turkey hunting season where we have a cabin runs April 11^th through May 9^th; toward the end of mating season.  During that time, only male, or bearded turkeys, can be harvested.  So, we have turkey mating season which morphs into turkey hunting season; at which point, the males are killed.  In the words of my wife, “Serves them right!”

Don’t get me wrong, the hunting guidelines do state that “male or bearded turkeys” can be harvested.  Females actually can have beards; but, that only happens in 10% - 20% of the female population That being said, there are plenty of female humans walking around with excessive facial hair too; so it’s not just a female turkey issue; however societal proportions of female facial hair may be slightly smaller in human populations (with certain geographic exceptions, of course).  This killing off of males directly after mating,  however, raises an apt point:  it may all seem like fun at the front end of the spectrum, but the process has a way of killing you in the end.  That’s a perfect segue as we continue to explore the way social distancing screws things up:

When this whole virus thing started, I think the kids were focused on the "blocking and tackling" elements of school life during a pandemic; namely, the reality that life is better when you’re not at school.  This whole distance learning thing would be a piece of cake….and think of the perks:  staying up later, sleeping in late, lots of downtime to binge watch Netflix and Hulu.  Yeah, in theory it sounded pretty good, then we arrived at the cabin.

The place where we built the cabin is really out in the “boonies.”  We don’t have a cell phone signal, so we rely on Wi-Fi calling.  And, since there are no cable carriers out in our remote area, we really have one service option for Wi-Fi.  It’s a company ironically called "Frontier;" and they offer Wi-Fi via phone landlines.  My gosh, I think that communications back on the original “frontier” were superior to what we have!  Granted, the signal is probably (almost) acceptable if one person uses it.  Still, you’d have the periodic resetting of the router several times per hour.  However, when you throw 7 people into the equation and then have all of that competition created for anemic bandwidth, things get really crazy, really quickly.  In short, it’s nuts.  So, for us to get workable Wi-Fi for Skype, Zoom, or schoolwork, we need to drive in to town and hop on Wi-Fi in the parking lot of the local library or McDonald’s.  As things stand, my kids have spent from about 8:00 AM this morning until about 3:00 (and counting) in a van in the parking lot of McDonald’s.  It’s quickly making them (and us) appreciate good, old fashioned school with classrooms and carlines for pick-up and drop-off.  All of those things that seemed to distasteful are now, once again, longed for.  Succinctly put:  turkey mating season is at its peak; and, we’re now all officially hunted males and bearded female turkeys.

Ironically, this social distancing experiment for our family is taking place in Bigfoot country.  Bigfoot, if he really does exist, is the world champion at social distancing.  According to the BFRO (Bigfoot Field Researcher’s Association), Macon County, NC (where we are, during the COVID-19 pandemic) is the county with the 4^th highest number of documented and researched Bigfoot sightings.  Macon County has 5 of the 95 BFRO documented sightings.  So, according to the reigning social distancing champ, we’re social distancing in a good spot; albeit more likely that we be spotted by a sasquatch while we social distance.

As a Catholic, I can’t help but thinking that Jesus was social distancing before it was cool.   As a point in fact, during the Lenten season, is a great time to social distance.   I can’t help but think about the 40 arduous days that Jesus spent in the desert immediately after being baptized.  What better time to social distance than in the midst of Lent!  After all, Lent is a time of self-sacrifice and reflection (when done correctly).   It was at Jesus’ baptism, hearing His Father say, “This is my Son in whom I am well pleased” when bam…..immediately He was in the desert.  That’s right, the original translation from Mark 1:12 indicates, “and immediately the Spirit drove him out into the desert.”  I like to think of this placement into the desert like a scene from a Harry Potter movie (maybe not the most apt comparison, but stick with me) wherein Jesus was in the Jordan one second and instantaneously in the desert in the next instance).  Bam! The example of social distancing during Lent was created for us by the Son of Man Himself; so it’s got to be good.

I can think of numerous biblical examples of Jesus social distancing.  Likewise, I can think of multiple biblical examples that outlined the disciples were not good at washing their hands.  Matthew 15:2 clearly points out the disciple’s lack of proactive hand washing.  This makes Jesus’ social distancing stance seem all that much more reasonable.  Think about it: Jesus social distanced away from His entire family when He was just 12 years old.  After the Feast of Pasch, Jesus decided to social distance in the temple.  Prior to walking on the water, Jesus was social distancing while his disciples were clustered together in a boat.  Jesus social distanced in the Garden of Gethsemane prior to His passion and crucifixion.  Jesus social distanced just prior to His transfiguration; and He social distanced after His resurrection.  I’m sure that I’m leaving out multiple examples; but, yep, suffice it to say, Jesus was a social distancer.  Luke 11:38 tells us that Jesus didn’t always wash His hands prior to eating either; but, I would argue He’d probably wipe down a shopping cart prior to pushing it around at Wal-Mart; if He were walking among us today.  It would only be prudent.  Long story short, Jesus social distanced to pray or to reveal something of great significance to a select few; Bigfoot social distances because he’s the world champ of hide-and-seek; and we social distance because we are forced to.

So, here we are, a couple weeks into what will become at least a 6-week exercise in social distancing.  It’s uncomfortable, it’s not natural, and it throws a lot of monkey wrenches in life; but, it serves to preserve it.  So, we continue to forge ahead…..knowing that things could always be worse.  At least we’re not bearded turkeys.  So, have a blessed Lent and social distance like Jesus did; not like Bigfoot does.  Hide-and-seek is a game.  Prayer in isolation is a game-changer.

St. Corona: Patron Saint of Pandemics

Well, what do you know?  There's actually a Patron Saint of Pandemics and her name is Corona.  I can't make this stuff up, people!

So much of the news focus of COVID-19 is about the impact that has been felt in Italy.  To continue the irony, relics of St. Corona can be found in Italy; in a basilica in the town of Anzu.

Whenever the story of St. Corona is recounted, her name is generally associated with that of another saint;  St. Victor.  As the story goes, St. Corona boldly pronounced her Christianity during the execution of St. Victor;  thus likewise setting the stage for her own subsequent torture and horrific execution.  According to traditional tales, Sebastian (a Roman judge) ordered that two palm trees be bowed down to the ground from their tops.  Once the tops of the palm trees were tied to the ground, St. Corona was tied to them both.  When the tethers that held the palm trees to the ground were cut, the force ripped poor Corona's body into two pieces....and some of you complain about missing basketball or being semi-quarantined to the comfort of your homes.

As I write this post, I'm also amazed at the readings associated with the Monday of the third week of Lent.  They have to do with healing of a highly contagious disease.   The first reading for today was from the 2nd Book of Kings, Chapter 5:  the story of the healing of Naaman, the leper, who was the servant of the king of Aram.  Elisha told Naaman to wash 7 times in the Jordan.  Naaman protested at first; but, eventually washed and was healed.  

The Gospel reading of the day was from Luke 4: 24-30 and it paralleled the first reading.  This is the verse wherein Jesus claimed that no prophet is accepted in his native place.  Jesus goes on to remind folks that there were many lepers in Israel during the time of Elisha the Prophet; but, not one of them was cleansed....only the foreigner Naaman was cleansed of leprosy and he was from Syria.  In another twist of irony, St. Corona was said to have been martyred in Syria.

So there you go.  Highlights from today's daily readings and a little bit of history regarding St. Corona, said to be put to death circa 170 A.D.

COVID-19: Using Technology to Temper Greed; Eliminating an Occasion to Sin:

The NYT article linked below tells a curious tale of an entrepreneur who let greed get the better of him.  On the day after the first COVID-19 death, this person decided to go to multiple small shops within neighboring states; eventually purchasing 17,700 bottles of hand sanitizer during a 1,300 mile buying spree that targeted "mom and pop" and dollar stores.

In short, this guy and his brother had some good instincts to anticipate demand; however, those good instincts were not used for a good purpose.  If you mark up items 2,000 percent during a pandemic (or any absurd multiple), you're not "providing a public service" to the paying public, you are profiteering off of fear and misery...pure and simple; and that's wrong. 

In the end, here's what we have: a greedy guy sitting on a stockpile of goods that are highly demanded via the public; but, can't be sold via typical online channels, such as e-Bay or Amazon, because the seller has been suspended.  That's not right either that the goods are being wasted.  Those crucial goods should be evenly and widely distributed at fair pricing...and there's a way to accomplish that; or so I believe.

Question:  Does Amazon and e-Bay's lack of proactive strategy for price gougers create, as Catholics like to say, an "occasion to sin?"  Worse yet, do the online marketplaces participate in the sin, up to a point by lacking a proactive approach?  Think about those questions for a moment, and I'll come back to them shortly.

My suggestion:  companies such as e-Bay and Amazon should consider instituting emergency unit pricing maximums for certain consumer items such as antibacterial wipes, hand sanitizer, M95 masks, N95 respirators and perhaps other items that could likewise be gouged.  In short, the online sales outlets earn a fixed %  of each sale; so, to an extent, they are complicit in price gouging if they allow somebody to use their forum for such a purpose (the article stated that those organizations made approximately 15% of the over-inflated sales price).  The percentage becomes like the vig on a gambling windfall when allowed to exist.  Seems like an "occasion to sin" is set up where the online market companies can profit along with the price gougers until they cut them off; at which point they claim the moral high ground.  Surely, these online sales venues know that some of their customers are getting the screws put to them; yet, the online sales markets ride the rising tide until such time as they are ready to jump off.  When they jump off the rising tide, that's when they step in, claiming to protect the little guys.  And let's face it, these online shopping sites know our habits of buying.  Accordingly, it should not be hard for them to proactively identify the habits of unscrupulous sellers in times of tumult and beat them to the punch rather than joining in the game.  They are masters of buying behavior.  I don't think that they can claim to have no insight as to the behavior of sellers.

For items such as the aforementioned, place a unit max. (per weighted box of sanitizing wipes, per fluid ounce of hand sanitizer, per mask by type of mask, etc.) and extend that list as needed during the time of crisis.  Once again, I'm only talking about implementing this in times of emergency crisis or national emergency and for a predetermined list of items likely to be gouged.  Other than that, let the market dictate terms for the non-essentials.  During routine times, I could care less how much somebody wants to overpay for a Cabbage Patch doll; and neither should the market.  The list could likewise have some flexibility to respond to specific factors within a catchment zone.  For example, if restaurants are shut down in a certain geographical locale and/or if there is a shortage of food goods, perhaps grow the list to include items such as MREs.

Amazon, etc. should let guys like the Colvin brothers back in if:  

• They refund to those who they previously gouged, based on the established maximum unit price established by the sales outlet.  This would place both the unscrupulous seller and the online distribution network in better stead by ensuring that the distasteful transaction was reversed for all parties concerned: the consumer, the seller, and the online selling entity.
• They adhere to the emergency UCR fee schedule.  If they can't adhere, they can't list those specific items.
• Amazon, e-Bay, etc. should review the fee schedule periodically during the calamity; because, when true shortages do exist, the wholesale prices can be impacted if demand far outpaces production capabilities.  You don't want to force your sellers to lose money; but, they should be allowed to make a reasonable return on their investment without gouging others who buy on said online medium.
• Taking an approach such as this would possibly allow the 17,700 bottles that this vendor has to go to good use rather than sitting, unsold, in somebody's garage.  *See possible exception below.
• Online services, such as Amazon and e-Bay should likewise limit purchase quantities to ensure that the goods can be evenly distributed and not further hoarded by another segment of hoarders.
• Online services should augment the unit pricing reviews with shipping cost limits to ensure that vendors don't price gouge by adhering to unit cost restrictions; but, while padding the shipping and handling fees to draconian limits.
• If online sales entities undertook a strategy such as this, they could potentially identify attempts to gouge even before the item was ever posted.  I'm a firm believer that the industry has the technical capabilities to established proactive metrics.

It's self serving for the online entities to police themselves aggressively.  If they choose not to implement emergency measures for emergency goods, the government will step in and force them to do so anyhow; and, such online entities will also be subject to gouging based on the overinflated percentages that they took in prior to shutting down their opportunistic and immoral vendor partners.

*Also, realize, in a scenario such as the Colvin brothers' stockpile, they might not be able to sell even if Amazon, etc. were to established an emergency UCR schedule for items subject to high demand during an emergency.  Why would this be?  The Colvin brothers made mass purchases of retail goods with the intention of selling at a new retail rate; rather, they did not, to my knowledge, buy goods at wholesale.

Lastly, I've never been a vendor of e-Bay and Amazon.  I've only ever made purchases from them.   Accordingly, I have no insight as to the specifics of their current sales policies for vendors who sell on their sites.  I'm relying on information from the NYT author who indicated (a) the online markets make a fixed percentage on the sales and (b) sales were made at over-inflated prices prior to the online markets shutting down the vendors; thus leading the prudent person to believe that no emergency UCR exists and that the current strategy is somewhat arbitrary and completely reactive rather than proactive.

NYT Times Article: He Has 17,700 Bottles of Hand Sanitizer and Nowhere to Sell Them:

The Great Mandala and 12 1/2 Life Lessons From Dad (A Son's Eulogy)

This past Monday, I was asked to give the eulogy at my father's funeral.  It was not an easy feat, as we had the viewing immediately prior to the Mass.  Accordingly, the family was able to assemble around the casket and take one last look at Dad, as the casket door was shut; knowing that any future views of his face would simply be transposed to memory or to photos.  Within 30 seconds of the casket door closing, I shared the words that follow.  Several in attendance has asked for those words to be shared; so, here goes.  Rest in Peace John T. Lynch July 15, 1944 - March 2, 2020.  You live on through those who loved you.....pray for us.

The Great Mandala and 12 1/2 Life Lessons From Dad (A Son's Eulogy):


27,624 chances he was given to change the world.  That’s the number of days he was on this earth. 39,778,560 minutes; each one a treasure.  Every minute that he spent with you was an investment in you; a precious moment in time that you’ll never get back; but that you can pay forward.  And then there were all of the moments that he wanted to spend with you; but simply couldn’t because of distance and some health complications that he never discussed.


I picture Dad meeting St. Peter at the pearly gates and realizing that it’s an opportunity to ask him if he knows Paul and Mary.  For the kids in the room, Peter, Paul, and Mary was a folk band that was popular in the 1960s.  This was typical of Dad’s corny humor.


Speaking of Peter, Paul, and Mary, I remember being about 5 or 6 years old and being in our basement.  Dad never was a drinker; but, he had built a bar.  It had red leather material on the front and wooden top.  It was the 70s, so that design made sense.  Dad had an 8-track player and a turn-table near the bar and he was playing a song by Peter Paul and Mary called the Great Mandala. 

I remember hearing the opening line and it has always stuck with me:


“So I told him , that he better, shut his mouth, and do his job like a man.  And he answered:  Listen father…..”


I remember asking Dad what the song was about and he told me: “the mandala is the circle of life.  You only get so many days and you need to make the right choices in life during those days that you have.  Every person starts life on part of that circle; and their life ends somewhere on that circle.  Where it is; nobody knows.”


The refrain went like this:


“Take your place on The Great Mandala
As it moves through your brief moment of time.
Win or lose now you must choose now
And if you lose you're only losing your life.”


That was the first talk that I ever had with Dad about death.  Dad explained to me that it was simply an unavoidable consequence of life and it was unpredictable.  You had two points on that circle:  birth and death; and, everything in between was simply life.


I think about Dad standing in front of God, spotless from sin and well prepped for his journey to Heaven and hearing those 6 words we all hope to hear:  “WELL DONE, good and faithful servant!;” prompting Dad to tell his first corny joke to God.  “Well done? I don’t think so.  I’ll take mine medium well.”…..and then reaching into his pocket and pulling out a card to see if God would pick #3.   Those of you who played Dad’s card game know what I’m talking about.

Growing up in our family was unique.  We had 7 people in a 1,500 square foot house.  That’s about 214 square feet per person; not much.  We didn’t have much in terms of extras; but, we wanted for nothing.  We were well fed (usually by Dad….Mom added a baked potato to every meal; or so it seemed), we had clothes and we had a roof over our heads.  Most importantly, we were given our Catholic faith.


Dad was a quiet man; but so were the best Dads.  Joseph, the father who God hand-picked to raise His son, was mentioned in all 4 gospels; yet he never spoke a word.  There’s something to be said about silent fathers.  Even Dad’s best jokes were simply told by him handing you a card with a joke on it and watching his belly shake as he’d play out the punchline in his mind.  It was priceless!  It was endearing.  It was Dad.


Dad was quiet, but he was there for everything.  He was our biggest fan.  He was at every concert, at every game.  He sat, he watched, he beamed with pride and he led through example; much like Joseph did.   And like Joseph, he was the father hand-picked by God, for us.


If there was ever any question about how much Dad loved us, we need to look no further than his last day on this earth.  I raced to PA from Florida when I heard that Dad was failing quickly.  When my plane landed in Atlantic City, I knew that there was still about an hour and 15 minute drive, under the best of circumstances.  My sister, Meaghan, put the phone up to Dad’s ear and I told him.  “Dad, I just landed and I’m coming to see you.  Hold on and I’ll be there soon.  I love you.”  He could not respond to me then; but he said “I love you” back, the way that he always did:  He waited for me.  He did what he did for me his whole life.  He waited for me like he did after band practice, after trumpet lessons, after a football game at Northern Burlington High School, after a school dance, after a day at Six Flags Great Adventure with friends, after I was done working a late shift at Mastoris Diner and before I had a license.  He waited on me to arrive.  That’s one of the things that Dads do….they wait.  But, this time, he waited to make sure that all of his kids were in one room.  He taught us about faith and he needed us all there to see what the grace of a happy death looked like.  And we saw it. 

Because we have faith, we could see beauty in the saddest moment of our lives.  He waited to give us that gift and to teach us one final lesson.  Marking that spot on the circle of life, the Great Mandala, is an honor when you’re spiritually ready for it and when those who YOU waited on your entire life and there waiting with you as your soul jumps out of the shell of a body and in to its heavenly home; and what a home it is:  1^st Corinthians 2:9 tells us that we simply can’t fathom what God has prepared for us in heaven.  It’s beyond what human senses can comprehend:  “what eye has not seen and ear has not heard, and what has not entered the human heart, what God has prepared for those who love him.”


When you watch somebody who is a righteous person you see the words of God put in to action.  For many people who encountered Dad, he may have been the only Bible that they ever read; and he gave them a good read.  I’ll share some stories with you.


Dad was a white car person for practicality reasons.  He told me, “Black shows the dirt.  White is more forgiving.”  That’s why Dad almost always drove a white car.  I remember the Lincoln Continental that Dad had for a period of time.  It was the one thing that he ever splurged on; but Dad wasn’t a splurger; he was a saver.  I remember Dad coming home one day in a white Datsun pickup truck and; until his last day of his life, he was a white truck guy.  I asked him what happened to the Lincoln Continental, and he calmly said:  “You know those big trucks that paint the lines in the middle of the road?  You know how they’re hard to miss?  Well I didn’t miss it….I smashed the heck out of the Lincoln.”  It was God’s way of telling Dad, “Who are you kidding with that Lincoln?  You were meant to be a white truck guy.  Now get back to work!”


I remember the gear shifter on that first truck.  It had a boot that was ripped and when it rained, the water would come up and splash you if you were the passenger.  But that truck was great.  When I was younger, we’d take rides in that truck and search out Victrola record players that were advertised for sale in the paper.  Dad loved those Victrola record players; he collected them.  We also chased a lot of yard sales in that truck and we went to look at several vintage fire trucks.  Dad always wanted to own an antique fire truck.  We looked at many and bought none.  So, on to life lessons learned from Dad:


Lesson #1:  time in the truck matters even when you drive far and come back with nothing.  The adventure was the time in the truck, not the object that we were hunting.  It is in coming back home with nothing, that we still came back home with something great:  time invested in each other.  How many of those 39 million plus minutes of life did we share in front of the windshield of a white pickup truck?


Other life lessons from Dad:


Lesson 2:  Serve those who serve you:  David was a waiter at the Jade Inn.  We would not go out to eat too often; but, when we did it was usually after church and it often was Chinese food.  David was a nice waiter and he got to know our family well.  One day, we went to the Jade Inn and David wasn’t there.  It turns out that he had stomach cancer.  Dad quietly dug around for information as to where David was and he visited him often while he was in the hospital.  Dad served his server.  He did not forget about him.  He gave him the best tip he could give him:  he shared some of his 39 million minutes and treated him as his friend; not his waiter.


Lesson #3:  Loyalty begins with your barber.  Henry was a barber at Ralph’s Barber Shop which was located by White Horse Circle.  Dad walked in to that barber shop and sat down in Henry’s chair and the small talk soon began.  Dad explained that he was newly married and just moved to the area from California.  Dad was job hunting and wanted to good haircut for the interviews.  As Henry finished the haircut, he did what barbers do.  He put the mirror to the back of the head, awaited the thumbs up from Dad.  He then spun the chair around and told Dad.  “I’ll tell you what.  I know that you’re trying to get settled here, so I can’t take your money.  So, this one’s on me.  When you get your job, just come back to me.”  For the rest of Henry’s life, he cut Dad’s hair and mine too.  I’ve taken my son to the same barber for most of my son’s almost 18 years of life.  I followed my barber from shop to shop to shop when he changed jobs.  It would have been easier to stay in one place and move on; but, that’s not the lesson taught to me by my father.  Loyalty matters.


Lesson #4:  Get a real haircut:  Do it right the first time.  Dad told me the story about his father giving him money and sending him off to the barber when he was a little boy.  On one occasion, Dad told the barber to just trim a little bit off.  When Dad got home and his father saw him, he sternly told him:  go back to the barber and get a “real haircut.”  Dad told me that story often and the moral was simple:  when you’re asked to do something, do it well…..do it right the first time; or, you’ll have to go back and get a “real” haircut.


Lesson #5:  The most important people on the ship are not the officers.  It’s not the captain.  It’s the cooks.  Be friends with people like them because they sustain life and can give you extras if they like you.  Dad spent 4 years of life on an aircraft carrier; a floating city called the USS Coral Sea.  A buddy of mine from high school served as a Marine.  After reading Dad’s obituary, he sent me a private note to say:  any true Marine loves a good Navy hospital corpsman.  Guys like your Dad were golden, because of the role that they played.  They saved guys like us.  Why do the Marines like the Navy corpsmen?  They’re the servants who sustain life.  This gave me perspective.  It’s the servants who are the front line folks who sustain and save lives.  Get to know the servants; not the commanders.


Lesson #6:  Vacations are about leaving home.  Life happens when you’re in the house with family…so why leave home? 

We never took vacations when I was growing up, so we definitely had togetherness and we got to know each other well.  There was the one trip to Williamsburg; but, that doesn’t count.  It simply ensured that we’d serve less time in Purgatory. I guess modest amounts of money can truly build richness of family; and it did.  


I tried to find a way to copy some of Dad’s philosophy while also folding in the togetherness of family and working in vacations without leaving behind the home dynamic.  For me and my crew, we went the RV route.  Sometimes we had 10 people within a 450 square foot living space that we lived in, ate in, slept in and traveled in for weeks at a time.  That experience fostered family togetherness by forcing the family into uncomfortable situations while we travelled together through something like 43 states in an RV that we affectionately called the “Misery Machine.”  In this instance, I anchored to Dad’s main premise about life happening in the house and simply made sure that the house had wheels on it.  We can always learn from our parents by either replication of what they did, by not repeating what they did, or by focusing on the goal and shifting the means to the goal.  With Dad, I’ve incorporated all 3 approaches to try to become a better Dad, based on what I learned from him.


Lesson #7:  It’s not about you, so don’t act like it is:  Dad’s distaste for holidays….At times, Dad would seem a bit grumpy; but, in retrospect, it seemed to do with the commercialization of things that should be more solemn.  People are so excited about getting gifts for themselves on Jesus’ birthday.  How warped is that?  Thanksgiving; what’s that?  We should say prayers and thank God before every meal. And, every time that family can be together in the same place, at the same time, it’s thanksgiving.  According to Dad’s logic, TODAY is not a funeral, it’s Thanksgiving and he’s provided the excuse.  Thanks Dad, and happy Thanksgiving to you too.


Lesson #8  Give a firm handshake and look them in the eye; it’s your first impression.  You don’t get a second chance to make a first impression.

I learned this lesson at the swimming pool of the Sheraton Hotel in Bordentown.  One of Dad’s friends from the Navy came to visit.  I remember Dad calling me out of the pool to meet his friend.  Dad pulled me aside afterwards and said:  “ a firm handshake is a sign on character.  Do it; and always look them right in the eye when you shake their hand.”  I can’t tell you how many hands I’ve almost broken since that talk with Dad.  If I shake your hand, you’ll remember me.  Thanks Dad.


Lesson #9:  Never hit your sisters: because they’re the first women in your life; and, you never hit women period.  They’re your first chance to live life right.


Life lesson 9.5:  Suck it up….offer it up for the souls in Purgatory.  I like this verse from 2^nd Corinthians for two reasons:  (1) it references the joy that we receive through affliction and (2) it talks about having pride in those who you love.   Dad often referred to his family as his “Pride and Joy:”   2 Corinthians 7:4 “I have great confidence in you, I have great pride in you; I am filled with encouragement, I am overflowing with joy all the more because of all our affliction.  Dad showed us how to have joy in affliction.

Lesson 10:  Search for the happy home; not the big one.  This one is self-explanatory.  The home that Dad grew up in, in Pasadena, had a living room that was bigger than the whole home that I grew up in.  I lacked nothing though.  At the end of Dad’s life, he talked more about growing up in the smaller La Cañada house than in Pasadena.  That’s because his Mom was still alive and his family was whole and happy in La Cañada.  When it comes down to it, the house was always secondary to who lived in it.  A small house filled with loved ones is a home.  That same small home, full of memories, but empty of family is as big and as empty as the Pasadena mansion.  Bricks and mortar won’t make you happy; the people who you love will make you happy.  Chase them going forward.  Never forgo the future by clinging to the past.  The house that I grew up in did not make me……my family did.

Lesson 11:  Be a friend to your dog.  Let them walk you.  Sometimes they’ll even train you.  My best memories of Dad are of looking out the window and seeing dad peeing in the yard while holding the dog leash in the other hand.  In time, the dogs knew what Dad’s nighttime bathroom schedule was and they made sure that they took him for a walk.  Dad had one dog that would wake him up at 3 AM every morning.  Dad got frustrated that the dog would never relieve itself when he took the dog out at 3 AM.  Soon, Dad realized that the dog knew what time that he liked to use the rest room; so, the dog woke him up and took him outside for a walk.


Lesson 12:  The first shall be last, the last shall be first……so make your “first wife” your last wife.  Sacramental marriage matters.


And the lesson that I learned from both of my parents:  marriage is where good people go to die. 


Dad passed away recently; but, he started to die to himself the moment he said “I do.”  It’s the way that things are supposed to happen in marriage.  For TWO to become a new ONE, you both need to die to yourself.  It’s God’s plan.


Dad moved to the East coast.  He worked some jobs that were less than desirable to keep food in our bellies and a roof over our heads.  He spent 54 years of marriage dying to himself while he was living for family.


Mom did the same thing.  She started to die to herself the minute she said “I do” too. 

While Dad was in cardiac ICU and in hospice, we all knew that he was dying; but, Mom was the one dying to herself to care for Dad.  Some of the best lessons that my parents ever taught me, they’ve taught me recently.
  

For the young people in the pews, if you want to see a great glimpse of what marriage is all about, look at a picture of mom and dad holding hands in side-by-side beds at the hospice facility.  THAT was the wedding bed that they were in.  They were experiencing a second honeymoon; not of passionate love called eros; but, of agape love; a type of love that surpasses all other forms of love that God gives us on this earth. 


It’s the “Great Mandala” of marriage.  The first point is the day that you get married; when you think that you can’t possibly love that person any more.  The more that you die to yourself and live for the marriage, the more that you love in ways that you never dreamed imaginable.  And, when you absolutely love with all of your heart, to the extent that you actually can’t love that person any greater; God allows you to hit that second point on the Great Mandala of marriage….because God is the only one who can love your spouse more than you can.

So those are my 12 ½ life lessons from Dad.  Dad may have said that we were his “pride and joy.”  Today, I’m happy to be in a room full of people who use those same words to describe him.

In Navy tradition you “weigh” in an anchor when it’s removed from the ocean and you hoist and raise it.  “Aweigh” means that function has been completed and it’s time to sail the ship.  So, with a good life completed and the race won, I salute you and send you off with the words to a meaningful song about your voyage:



Anchors aweigh, my boys, anchors aweigh,

Farewell to foreign shores,

We sail at break of day,

Through our last night ashore,

Drink to the foam,

Until we meet once more,

Here’s wishing you a happy voyage home.